Why don’t husbands understand why women stop having sex with them???

Updated on March 19, 2015 in Battle of the Sexes
13 on February 17, 2015

So, having been divorced a few years now, and having been on innumerable dates and heard the same refrain so many times, I just have to ask this question.

I have determined that it seems kind of obvious to me now, based on the entire stories former husbands tell me, that women stopped having sex for these reasons:

1) The husbands suck in bed from a standpoint of mechanics
2) He doesn’t show respect by showing affection and admiration
3) It’s a power struggle and the wife resents the husband’s behavior out of the bedroom, even though she may still care for him
4) The husband is an insensitive or controlling asshole who focuses on his own needs without regard to others (applies highly to Leos!) like the one I met last week who was completely in shock when the wife just moved out with all her stuff one day, even though he thought everything was perfect. As he said “She just gave me head the day before…she went down on me a couple of times a week, every week, and had dinner on the table every night. He failed to mention anywhere in that conversation what he did for her. Ever. So she finally just showed him who had the power.
5) The wife is staying in the marriage for external reasons (finances, kids, religious dictates, social standing) even though she has contempt for the husband.

What I have found repeatedly is that while the husband labeled his ex-wife as “not very sexual”, she apparently was quite sexual as soon as she got divorced (or before, with others). Some men told me they found out their ex was involved with another man, even though the wife hadn’t had sex with her husband for YEARS…or the wife left after some major argument and moved in with a male “family friend” (heard this one more than once).

I’d love to hear men tell me a scenario that doesn’t fall within the 5 categories above.

By the way, my divorce was caused by # 3 but mostly I finally realized I had just picked the wrong mate and I’d evolved dramatically over the 20 yrs while he really didn’t evolve at all. I was also the primary breadwinner, and was enduring a lot of bad behavior as a result of his own insecurities from that.

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0 on February 17, 2015

Calm down, calm down…

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0 on February 17, 2015

hahaha…

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1 on February 19, 2015

Perhaps a better question is why do couples stop having sex??

on February 19, 2015

I disagree. Once the woman cuts them off, the issue is a BIG one…and the men just don’t seem to get it. They actually think the women just don’t want to have sex…hahaha…with anyone…at all…

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0 on February 19, 2015

I have often wondered about this too. Women tend to benefit from divorce, and men tend to benefit from marriage. So why is this a system men find so difficult to game? 

Furthermore, the stereotype about women losing their objectivity with regard to the man they are actively sleeping with is, in my experience, at least partly true. The same guys who complained so loudly about girls falling in love with them after what were supposed to be one-night stands in their single days seem to forget about this same basic chemical effect once they get married.

When my ex-husband stopped sleeping with me, I immediately saw him with a more critical eye, and my critical eye is like a white-hot laser, y’all. That poor bastard was served before he knew what hit him. 

My current boyfriend seems a bit more savvy. Every time I start breaking out the comfy slippers and the Eileen Fisher single-forever blanket-cardigan, or looking at him over the top of my MORE magazine and thinking, “Why I don’t I dump him? He always leaves the seat up”… he somehow manages to seduce me into a night of rollicking sex, and the next morning I can’t remember all my pet peeves about him in the slightest degree.

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0 on February 19, 2015

Most men simply don’t have ‘game’, meaning they are incapable of seducing a woman and making her want to make love with them. Man don’t want to give women what they need to get in the mood. So, men get nothing. If you don’t want to meet us halfway, you can just go away.

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0 on February 19, 2015

Women stop having sex because men stop being affectionate and considerate. I enjoy having sex, but I like being flirted with first- not just rushed into bed.

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0 on February 21, 2015

I wonder if it’s just as simple as men not having game. From what I’ve seen, 50 year old guys with 25 year old girlfriends don’t forget how to be affectionate or attentive. I think it has a lot more to do with being insecure and power struggles. Or maybe some of them need a “chase”, something to spice up their otherwise calm life…like an adrenaline rush, like chasing dinosaurs or fighting other caveman for resources.

I’m really beginning to think some men just have some primal need to take risks and they can’t find an outlet in any other way that has less impact. Losing a job is way worse for a man than losing his wife. He knows he can get another wife, but losing a job means if that company doesn’t want him when he thought he was doing everything fine, then maybe no other company will either. Then he might lose his house, his car, his dinners out, his nice clothes in the giant walk-in closet. And he definitely won’t have a woman then.

So when it comes to fulfilling that primal urge, when threatened by a woman who is your equal and doesn’t want to deal with your shit, what’s the easiest route? Don’t bother putting in the effort to resolve it, just take a chance on finding somebody new before you get rid of the older model. I think some men just figure it’s easier to move on than to evolve, change, compromise. So they start digging in their heels early on, they maintain control (in their mind), the woman decides she’s dealt with enough and starts holding out bc she doesn’t like him anymore. I’m only talking from what I’ve seen in other people’s lives. Over and over.

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1 on February 23, 2015

Well, a sexless marriage is a dead marriage. At least to me. If ppl love each other, they Shouldint have a problem humping each other. So the question then is, is there still any love there. What’s the point in being married to someone who doesn’t give you any sex, or doesn’t give you the desire to have sex? That sounds pretty pointless. Oh granted, there some guys out there who are completely oblivious to what there spouses are feeling but, rest assured that eliminating sex won’t fix anything. It’ll make it worse. I dono. Guys can be fucked up and girls can too. Humans are selfish, period. Thank god I’m from krypton.

on February 23, 2015

hahaha!

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0 on February 23, 2015

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0 on March 13, 2015

Though most of what you said is true of many men I think it’s biased to always blame it on men.women are also guilty of messing up the sex life.you say men stop showing affection but in my experience women usually stop first. I learned a long time ago when you flirt and romance and work your ass off to make it good for her then it usually ends up being all about her and often women become selfish in bed.they want “to be caressed”they want massages the want “to be romantic” but they rarely return the favor. Men like to be treated as if they are sexy just like women do.women loved to be kissed all over but never want to kiss their man the same way.I know that most often men are at fault but it ain’t fair to blame them exclusively. Oh and one more revelation for women, when you have sex 15 times a day for the first 6 months of the relationship then all of a sudden want to cut to once a week then don’t wonder what happened to the”spark”. You can’t expect to put up a front for all that time and then try to give some excuse like “i want it to be about more than sex” any man that will accept those terms is the exact kind of man you are talking about on this thread.

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